Richard is a very good friend of mine and we have known each other about twelve years now. We met at a choir rehearsal in a secondary school in Everton called Notre Dame. The choir had been set up by one of the teachers at the school but was aimed at those people in the areas around the school to get involved, she had named it Liverpool Voice. I had been going along for about six months and was growing in confidence as a singer. Richard’s daughter Marie was a teacher at the school and initially came along to encourage her dad to give it a go. There was only about six blokes in the choir and Richard and I immediately hit it off. Like me, he had not much experience singing formally, singing from music scores and the like, so we encouraged each other to stick with it. Richard was retired from work as a painter and decorator, he had entertaining tales from his working life and life generally and also quirky observations on the personalities and dynamics within the choir. On his current day job as carer for his sick wife Marge he was less forthcoming.
At this time my working life mirrored my general life, it was full of ups and down as I struggled with depression. I was largely at home doing the child care stuff, occasional part-time work was truncated as I struggled to cope with the stresses and strains of the work-place. . Richards company through-out this period of several years was consistently upbeat yet low key at the same time. His gentle encouragements meant that on dark days I would get to choir practice and look first for his face as I entered the rehearsal room. We encouraged each other to try other musical activities going on outside of the Liverpool Voice choir, singing mainly, we joined another choir that had a particular focus on encouraging people struggling with their mental health and also short courses at local community centres with a musical and creative twist. In the period of years our friendship developed in a natural leisurely way. I realised a bit more about the other demands on Richard’s time, that when he attended these extra activities he always had to keep one eye on the clock, to be back to see to Marge and also to walk his dog, a Welsh collie called Rosie.
I eventually met both Marge and Rosie when i called for him one day while on route to a singing event no doubt. When you hear a lot about some-one prior to meeting them you generally have a drawn a visual image in your head about what to expect. I had tried to do this for Marge but in truth I had struggled to come up with much detail of Richards home life. I knew that Marge was generally housebound, that this had been the case for a long time. I knew that she had had periods in her life that had required hospitalisation due to mental problems. I knew she attended a day centre once a week and she was picked up by a mini bus. That she had a drug regime that was pretty un-negotiable and the effects of which was to make her un-motivated and also put on a lot of weight. I also knew about the happy times in the relationship, when they met, holidays they went on etc but these seemed a long time ago, the previous couple of decades were kind of “lost” to me at that time.
Richards role in keeping his family together over these years was something he was un-comfortable talking about, “Oh you don’t want to hear about all that.” I think its a story that is worth hearing and over the years of our friendship I am now well placed to describe it in greater detail-its a heroic tale in fact. Richard would cringe to hear himself described in this way. When he describes juggling work, picking up Marie from Primary school and getting to the hospital to see Marge, my heart goes out to him. That he often had to hide much of the reality of this life due to the fear of other peoples judgements is all the more heart rendering. This was a feature f his life for many years, decades, experiences that I think should be celebrated, also as a lesson to the wider society in how not to help people cope with caring for the sick.
Meanwhile Richard has survived the experience and however scarred: to meet him and know him, I feel very blessed to call him a friend. This New Year Gillian and I spent New Year Eve with his family, Marge sadly died a few years ago but Marie has a lovely daughter Dempsey who was bouncing round granddad as he fussed and sang songs to her. Richard and I had had a rehearsal with Marie’s husband Chris, an accomplished musician, to entertain the guests with some Irish tunes of old- I never even mentioned he was originally from Dublin- it was a lovely evening.
Do you want to hear more from Richard? Well I mentioned in an earlier blog post that i intended to get some training in producing a radio show on a local community radio station. Well I have and I brought Richard into the studio as one of my guests on the show. Advice from the tutors was if you can find guests who are enthusiastic and love to talk it can make the show. Richard immediately came to mind so he is again helping me out in my life challenges. It was a really enjoyable nerve wracking experience but with your mates along side almost anything is possible. Betty was in the studio helping out too and you can listen in here!
At this time my working life mirrored my general life, it was full of ups and down as I struggled with depression. I was largely at home doing the child care stuff, occasional part-time work was truncated as I struggled to cope with the stresses and strains of the work-place. . Richards company through-out this period of several years was consistently upbeat yet low key at the same time. His gentle encouragements meant that on dark days I would get to choir practice and look first for his face as I entered the rehearsal room. We encouraged each other to try other musical activities going on outside of the Liverpool Voice choir, singing mainly, we joined another choir that had a particular focus on encouraging people struggling with their mental health and also short courses at local community centres with a musical and creative twist. In the period of years our friendship developed in a natural leisurely way. I realised a bit more about the other demands on Richard’s time, that when he attended these extra activities he always had to keep one eye on the clock, to be back to see to Marge and also to walk his dog, a Welsh collie called Rosie.
I eventually met both Marge and Rosie when i called for him one day while on route to a singing event no doubt. When you hear a lot about some-one prior to meeting them you generally have a drawn a visual image in your head about what to expect. I had tried to do this for Marge but in truth I had struggled to come up with much detail of Richards home life. I knew that Marge was generally housebound, that this had been the case for a long time. I knew that she had had periods in her life that had required hospitalisation due to mental problems. I knew she attended a day centre once a week and she was picked up by a mini bus. That she had a drug regime that was pretty un-negotiable and the effects of which was to make her un-motivated and also put on a lot of weight. I also knew about the happy times in the relationship, when they met, holidays they went on etc but these seemed a long time ago, the previous couple of decades were kind of “lost” to me at that time.
Richards role in keeping his family together over these years was something he was un-comfortable talking about, “Oh you don’t want to hear about all that.” I think its a story that is worth hearing and over the years of our friendship I am now well placed to describe it in greater detail-its a heroic tale in fact. Richard would cringe to hear himself described in this way. When he describes juggling work, picking up Marie from Primary school and getting to the hospital to see Marge, my heart goes out to him. That he often had to hide much of the reality of this life due to the fear of other peoples judgements is all the more heart rendering. This was a feature f his life for many years, decades, experiences that I think should be celebrated, also as a lesson to the wider society in how not to help people cope with caring for the sick.
Meanwhile Richard has survived the experience and however scarred: to meet him and know him, I feel very blessed to call him a friend. This New Year Gillian and I spent New Year Eve with his family, Marge sadly died a few years ago but Marie has a lovely daughter Dempsey who was bouncing round granddad as he fussed and sang songs to her. Richard and I had had a rehearsal with Marie’s husband Chris, an accomplished musician, to entertain the guests with some Irish tunes of old- I never even mentioned he was originally from Dublin- it was a lovely evening.
Do you want to hear more from Richard? Well I mentioned in an earlier blog post that i intended to get some training in producing a radio show on a local community radio station. Well I have and I brought Richard into the studio as one of my guests on the show. Advice from the tutors was if you can find guests who are enthusiastic and love to talk it can make the show. Richard immediately came to mind so he is again helping me out in my life challenges. It was a really enjoyable nerve wracking experience but with your mates along side almost anything is possible. Betty was in the studio helping out too and you can listen in here!